so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
