Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
