can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am one with the molecules
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
