My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
