yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
