I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
