I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
