This is not my ceiling
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
