you guys were way drunker than both of me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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