don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
