My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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