I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
