Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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