i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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