Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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