and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
