FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
