you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
