just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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