This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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