Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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