I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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