Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
