Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
