i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
