ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
