shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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