Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize