those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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