Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
