you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the liver wants what the liver wants
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
