wakey wakey hands off snakey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
