You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
