i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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