she was so not down for the gang bang
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
love makes seman taste better
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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