Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
