Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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