I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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