i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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