Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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