Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were trust falling into bushes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize