Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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