pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
