Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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