toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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