I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
