the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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