She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
