I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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