My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
