were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
