where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
