I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
