Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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