Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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