she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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