And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize