Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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