You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
