Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
