Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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