My friends, they love my intelligence
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
