nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
