i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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