Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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