bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
