im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
