Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
