State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
