And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
