everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
