Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
