when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
