Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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