You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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