you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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