Whats the glycemic index on semen?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
