Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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