Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize