Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
