Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
