I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
