im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
