and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
