I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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