Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
