I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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