The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Randomize
