Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
