Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
