their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
