just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
