remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
