nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize