no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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