who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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