No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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