haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
