Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
