Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
