Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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