when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
