i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
